4am in PHC

Last week, I thought I was going to go on a posting diarrhoea and leave tons of posts on here…joke…I have not successfully typed and put up any of the thoughts/stories that sprung up.
Yes darlings, I haven’t totally kicked the habit, sadly.
Moment of clarity is what begs to be shared as I lie awake at 4am…pondering all the uncertainties.
You know that moment when suddenly life has new meaning *no Billy Ocean*..when all the million thoughts in random motion in your head finally align and you can once again testify that you have sense. I live for moments like that.
I have had to pick myself through some tough disappointment recently. It wasn’t the most pleasant of experiences. Actually ,now that I think about it,my defence mechanism must have been something to watch looking in from the outside. My moodswings were legendary, switching from happy bunny to hyper bunny,carefully avoiding the sad bunny so that the next person does not worry that I am getting too sad, or rebukes me for not handling my shit well. Truth is I didn’t get over it, I learned and I moved on.
It’s easier to offer encouragement to people when you have no idea what exactly they are feeling. For this time, my moment of clarity came when I thought to ask myself “what if everything worked out the way you wanted?”..clarity helped me to realise it may have been what I wanted but not what I needed. At least not yet.
That is just one case though.
Of different situations consolidating into a point.
It may be definitive,in decision making and conclusions. It may be a text you read. Or a conversation you have.
Signs and symptoms of this moment include a wide grin spreading across your face, bursting into a hilarious fit of laughter, bursting into songs of praise (if you are the religious type) among others.
Common reactions to these expressed signs and symptoms include quizzing stares from other people, taking one step back and giving the “clarified ” a once-over,and my favourite one,people who don a lopsided smile and ask “what?!”
There is no appropriate ending to this piece, the network is soo poor that the moment of clarity to share a perfect ending is not loading yet. And I gotta go. Be strong and courageous. Wait out the pain, your future will be at the other side smiling you into betterness.

Peace ,love & happiness
xoxo
Jemjem.

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