Issues like Racism(which has been in the news recently), Terrorism (which has refused to leave the news), and abuse(whatever form) (also made the news recently) may seem alien to me (because I am under the canopy of God 🙂 ) but they are thoughts that keep me up some nights. The world is only as wide as the breadth of your arms spread apart and there is a limit to what you can protect. Your safe haven can be taken away in a blink.
Today I spare a thought for the abused around me. I am praying for wise counsel on their behalf as they deal with their various situations.
Below are some of my musings.
* * * * * * * * *
I wonder if they know.
This is not something I think about often. And when I do, this is not something I like to think about.
I have even convinced myself that it was so long ago to have any effect in my life.
I have no interest in the condemnation and strife that may follow with their knowing. The imbalance would be unreal.
Then I wonder if they know, and they are protecting me. Which would be a ridiculous thing if you asked me. But nobody was asking me anything.
Sometimes, when I think about it, I wonder if talking to someone about it would change anything. I wonder if there was any pent-up negative energy awaiting expression.
I see him today and want to laugh when he puts on his “im older than you” face and tries to give advice. I smile inside instead. Does he believe I do not remember? Has he convinced himself that I most certainly have no recollection of the time?
I feel no empathy towards him. If all our family passed on and it was just us two left, I would never be in touch. Its not hate. I understand he was young and foolish, but the broken trust/bond is irreparable.
When I think back and hard, I imagine my chatterbox nature and can’t for the life of me figure how come I never said anything. Was it coercion? Are children more gullible than adults give them credit for?
I see stories of other people, bad stories. They blame their delinquency on it. I pat myself on the back on how well I seem to have handled this.
I probably express my rage when I see cases where jokes are made out of it. People talk about it so lightly, like it was a rare happening. Or cases where adults who claim or should know better try to protect their selfish interests. I would probably go ape on any immediate case I came across.
I look at my family that loves me, and I wonder, did they know?