I laughed a little when I wrote the title of this post.
Well, not laugh per se, giggle maybe. Because some of my foolish friends (yes, Eyitayo I’m talking to you ) will go ” Ah, you have mastered this thing so well, how is it that you are single?”
Its not mastery. Far from it sef. I saw a video recently that triggered this line of thought and I graciously decided that i wasn’t going to keep the lesson to myself! We must all prosper in this knowledge.
People talk about love language a lot, its actually a valid thing. But I am of the opinion that people do not talk about it enough. Its not enough to say ” Blablabla is my love language”. Identifying your love language is only useful when you share it with your partner ( which is not exclusive to romantic relationships). In the video the couple, who are also Pastors, were sharing a couple of “secrets” to their success as a married couple, and it made a whole lot of sense.
They said, we go about loving people wrongly, not because we intentionally want to cause them pain, but because we think Love is a “one size fits all” accessory.
Love, fortunately ( yes, fortunately) is not.
For example, I am big on hugs and long phone calls and celebrations. Say I have a partner (friend, family or boo) who does not fancy hugs, hates phone calls because it makes them feel awkward and would rather send one million text messages, and never bothers with celebrations or invitations to come celebrate. When I insist on long hugs, random hugs, and phone calls because, Hey! that’s my love language. I am the only one who is gratified in that relationship. Because I am able to express myself as I please. That’s why Compromise is an essential ingredient in any relationship ( at least in my opinion).
Just because these are expressions that I appreciate does not mean that it should be imposed on the next person. My partner is expected to indulge me sometimes. Hug me and let me hug you without feeling like I’m invading your space. Call me when the text replies are getting longer than 2 pages, can’t you tell that i have a lot to say :’)? Its not Ok for you to forget anniversary dates and invitations, because “you know its not my thing!”. You don’t have to be at every single invitation, but decide which ones are really important to the both of you, and try not to let your disinterest show. LOL! My responsibility is to respect your space as often as required, not pine for long phone calls a lot, and as much as possible not laden the partner with information they would rather do without. Understand and respect one anothers choice of expression.
It sounds easy. LOL. It’s not.
But it is an absolutely worthwhile development in any relationship. Its the character of the one, and possibly a contributing factor to the reason you even have the relationship in the first place. There is no sense in trying to change another’s point of view/love language. Even science says opposites attract.
We should learn to love our partners in relation to their language.
Like I just have!